I am the happiest I’ve been in a while. Although my relationship with my Catalina’s dad is over, I’m glad I’m out of it because it was just SO toxic and unhealthy. I do still love him, but who he is now isn’t who I married.
During our years together, trust came and went until it finally disappeared, and with that came insecurity and arguments. I wasn’t allowed to talk to any guys, not even those I worked with. And what was so weird is that he only had a problem with me, not the guys. I was never unfaithful to him and I was always committed, but when he lost my trust I somehow managed to lose his as well.
Now that we’re separated I feel so free, I can talk to people and have normal conversations without feeling guilty. I should’ve never felt guilty in the first place. I’ve realized that in a healthy relationship, there shouldn’t be silly rules as to who we are able to talk or not talk to (unless of course they actually pose a threat in the relationship.) I no longer have to deal with lies, staying up late at night waiting for him to get home as he drinks and parties, waking up early with my daughter just to see him sleep till 30 minutes before he went to work, and especially the stress.
In the first years of our relationship he always said how he wanted to marry me and have a family, but apparently when the “having a family” time came, he no longer wanted to participate. He only really wanted my daughter in her happy times. I even remember him threatening me to take her away after she was done with diapers and basically all the hard phases in her life. I’m appalled at all the things he has put me through and me doing nothing about it. I’m glad I’ve realized my self-worth though. From verbal abuse, to some physical abuse (which he denies because he never actually “punched” me) and even mental abuse. Everyone should learn to love themselves and be happy with themselves before actually starting a serious relationship, because no one ever deserves to be treated like garbage. There is someone out there for everyone, and finding them isn’t going to be easy. Honestly, you shouldn’t even look for them, they’ll come to you even if you don’t know it at the moment. Much love to those who read this blog. Remember to stay happy, life is beautiful. 🙂